# Area Supermarket Declared Haunted After Shoppers Move Online > **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts. - Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/10/31/area-supermarket-declared-haunted-after-shoppers-move-online/ - Section: Retail - Edition: Saturday, October 31, 2026 (No. 11) - Published: 2026-10-31T06:50:00-04:00 - Modified: 2026-10-31T06:50:00-04:00 - Byline: Marjorie Pell, Retail Correspondent (fictional satirical character) - Genre: Satire *Online food sales rose 15.5% while store sales fell 2.8%. In Topeka, a cart now moves down aisle 7 on its own.* TOPEKA, Kan.—A supermarket on the west side of Topeka was formally declared haunted on Friday after store staff concluded that the only thing still moving through aisle 7 at night was a single shopping cart that nobody had pushed since August. The declaration, filed on Form HM-4 (Unexplained Activity, Perishables) with the store's fictional regional office, arrived the same week Circana data reported by Grocery Dive showed online food and beverage sales up 15.5% over the four weeks ended Oct. 4, while sales in physical stores fell 2.8%. "We used to have people in here," said Dolores Fenn, 58, a fictional night manager who has worked the store since 1997. "Now the people are in an app, and the aisles are full of whatever is left when the people leave. I believe that is the definition." Staff first noticed the cart, later identified as Cart 0031, on Aug. 14, when it was found at the end of the cereal aisle facing the granola. It was returned to the corral. By morning it was facing the granola again. By September, according to a fictional incident log reviewed by The Daily SKU, the cart had been observed in aisle 7 on 46 consecutive nights. It does not take anything. It does not make noise, except for a front wheel that clicks at a steady 72 beats per minute. On Oct. 28, an employee draped a bedsheet over it "for consistency," and the store's insurer reclassified the incident from Equipment to Seasonal. The pickup counter, meanwhile, has never been busier. Brick Meets Click, also cited by Grocery Dive, put online grocery growth at more than 20% in the third quarter. Delivery bags now line the front of the store in rows. Fenn said the bags are the only customers who still say hello, and that they say it in the form of a crinkle. "From the outside it looks like a strong quarter," said Bradley Oaks, a fictional grocery analyst at Quarterline Partners. "From the inside it looks like a strong quarter that nobody is attending. Haunting is a reasonable read of the data. I would not personally walk down aisle 7." Store brands, which Circana said held up slightly better than national brands, appear unaffected. The store-brand corn flakes remain fully stocked and, according to Fenn, "will outlast all of us, including the cart." > "The people are in an app now. The aisles are full of whatever is left when the people leave." A fictional paranormal consultant hired by the store on Thursday spent four hours in aisle 7 with a thermal camera. Her report, two pages, concluded that the aisle was 3 degrees colder than the rest of the store because of the freezer case, and that the cart was "lonely, not malevolent." She billed $640 and placed a pickup order on her way out. At this desk, the store's Halloween display was found already flanked on its north side by a 6-foot inflatable snowman, plugged in and smiling. (Aisle 14, endcap, beside the candy.) It is entry 34 in the Ledger, which now has six pages left. The store plans to keep its regular hours. Cart 0031 will remain in aisle 7 through the weekend, the fictional regional office said, because removing it would require someone to go in there. ## The Real Story (factual) Grocery Dive reported on Oct. 30, 2026 that online food and beverage sales grew 15.5% in the four weeks ended Oct. 4 while sales in physical stores fell 2.8%, citing Circana data. The article also noted store brands held up better than national brands and cited Brick Meets Click data showing strong online grocery growth in the third quarter. Circana data reported by Grocery Dive showed online food and beverage sales rose 15.5% over the four weeks ended Oct. 4, while brick-and-mortar sales fell 2.8%. Brick Meets Click separately reported online grocery growth above 20% in the third quarter. ### Sources - [Grocery e-commerce and in-store sales head in opposite directions](https://www.grocerydive.com/news/food-beverage-sales-ecommerce-physical-stores-grocery-supermarkets/873303/), Grocery Dive --- The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice.