# Columbia Grows 2%, Jacket Remains In Car

> **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts.

- Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/10/31/columbia-sportswear-grows-2-percent-jacket-stays-in-car/
- Section: Brands
- Edition: Saturday, October 31, 2026 (No. 11)
- Published: 2026-10-31T06:50:00-04:00
- Modified: 2026-10-31T06:50:00-04:00
- Byline: Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter (fictional satirical character)
- Genre: Satire

*Third-quarter net sales rose 2%. A fictional shopper in Spokane owns three of the jackets and wore none of them this week.*

PORTLAND, Ore.—Columbia Sportswear said third-quarter net sales rose 2% to $962.6 million, according to its release.

"I own three," said Dale Morrow, 47, a fictional shopper in Spokane. "One is in the car, one is in the closet, one is in the other car. It was 38 degrees this week and I wore a hoodie."

Morrow said the jackets are doing well regardless. "They are a great company," he said. "They do not need me to wear them. They need me to buy them."

## The Real Story (factual)

Columbia Sportswear Company reported on Oct. 29, 2026 that third-quarter net sales rose 2% to $962.6 million, according to the Portland, Oregon outdoor apparel and footwear maker's earnings release, which covered results for its Columbia, Sorel, Mountain Hardwear and prAna brands for the quarter.

Columbia Sportswear reported Q3 2026 net sales up 2% to $962.6 million.

### Sources

- [Columbia Sportswear Company Reports Third Quarter 2026 Financial Results](https://investor.columbia.com/news-events/press-releases/detail/393/columbia-sportswear-company-reports-third-quarter-2026), Columbia Sportswear

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