# eBay Up 15% As Nation Sells Its Childhood Back

> **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts.

- Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/11/01/ebay-up-15-percent-as-nation-sells-its-childhood-back/
- Section: E-Commerce
- Edition: Sunday, November 1, 2026 (No. 12)
- Published: 2026-11-01T06:50:00-05:00
- Modified: 2026-11-01T06:50:00-05:00
- Byline: Dashiell Okafor, Marketplaces Correspondent (fictional satirical character)
- Genre: Satire

*eBay's revenue rose 14% and GMV 15%, helped by collectibles. A Dayton man listed his entire 1998.*

SAN JOSE, Calif.—eBay reported a strong third quarter on Wednesday, driven in part by collectibles, as a growing share of American adults reached the same financial conclusion at once: that their childhood, kept in a closet for 25 years, is finally worth more than they are.

Revenue rose 14% to $3.21 billion and gross merchandise volume rose 15% to $23.17 billion, according to Digital Commerce 360. Collectibles were helped by Pokémon's 30th anniversary, TCGplayer topped $1 billion in GMV, Depop's U.S. GMV more than doubled, and active buyers reached 147 million. The company described traffic from AI agents as very, very small.

"I listed 1998," said Kyle Barrow, 37, a fictional HVAC estimator in Dayton, Ohio. "Not a thing from 1998. The year. The cards, the robot, the yo-yo, a plush I will not name. My mother had it all in a tub labeled DO NOT. I did."

Barrow said he has received 31 offers. "One man in Fresno offered more for the cards than I made last month," he said. "I accepted. Then I sat in the car for a while."

Marketplace sellers said the buyers are, for the most part, the same people. "Everyone is selling their childhood to someone who is buying their childhood back," said Nadia Petrosyan, a fictional reseller in Glendale. "It is the same 400 cards going around the country in bubble mailers. Nobody keeps anything. Everyone is very happy."

I ran the numbers on Barrow's listing myself, on paper, because I like to see the carry. (I sold calculators online for a long time. My account has been suspended since 2019, and Appeal No. 44 is still awaiting a template. The calculators are in a tub labeled DO NOT. I have not opened it. The market is strong. I am aware.)

Barrow said he regrets nothing except the robot. "It only had one arm," he said. "The buyer wanted to know which arm. I did not know. I never knew."

At press time Barrow's mother had found a second tub, labeled ALSO DO NOT, and listed it herself.

## The Real Story (factual)

Digital Commerce 360 reported that eBay's third-quarter 2026 revenue rose 14% to $3.21 billion and gross merchandise volume rose 15% to $23.17 billion. Collectibles grew with help from Pokemon's 30th anniversary, TCGplayer topped $1 billion in GMV, Depop's U.S. GMV more than doubled and active buyers reached 147 million.

eBay's third-quarter revenue rose 14% to $3.21 billion and GMV rose 15% to $23.17 billion. Collectibles benefited from Pokemon's 30th anniversary, TCGplayer topped $1 billion in GMV, Depop's U.S. GMV more than doubled, and active buyers reached 147 million.

### Sources

- [eBay sales](https://www.digitalcommerce360.com/article/ebay-sales/), Digital Commerce 360

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The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice.