# Starbucks Grows 7.7%, Mostly Per Cup > **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts. - Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/11/02/starbucks-grows-7-7-percent-mostly-per-cup/ - Section: Brands - Edition: Monday, November 2, 2026 (No. 13) - Published: 2026-11-02T06:50:00-05:00 - Modified: 2026-11-02T06:50:00-05:00 - Byline: Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter (fictional satirical character) - Genre: Satire *Starbucks' US comparable sales rose 7.7% last quarter. The average ticket rose 5.2%. The visits rose 2.4%. Do the math, then buy an egg bite.* SEATTLE, Wash.—Starbucks said its US comparable sales rose 7.7% in its fiscal fourth quarter, a result analysts attributed partly to more Americans visiting and mostly to each American leaving with more than planned, including, in one fictional Tacoma case, a second croissant the customer did not remember choosing. In the quarter ended Sept. 27, US comparable coffeehouse sales rose on a 5.2% increase in average ticket and a 2.4% increase in transactions, the company reported. In North America, the bigger ticket came from product mix, food attach, pricing and delivery. The chain also closed about 250 company-operated North America coffeehouses in September as part of its Back to Starbucks plan. "Food attach" is a phrase I have now heard on three earnings calls this month, and readers deserve to know what it means in practice. It means you went in for a coffee and came out with an egg bite, and the egg bite is now a line on a slide. "The customer is not coming twice as often," said Marguerite Okoye, a fictional beverage analyst in Portland, Ore. "The customer is coming slightly more often and carrying slightly more. Like a squirrel in October." A fictional Daily SKU review of 500 receipts found that the average customer entered intending to buy one item and left with 1.6. The extra 0.6 was most often a banana, which 31% of respondents said they did not want but felt wanted them. I bought a coffee here on Sunday and weighed it, because I weigh things. (I weighed it: 16.4 ounces, cup and lid included, for a 16-ounce drink.) I have nothing to report. It was fine. It was more than fine. I sat with that for a while. The Pretzel is not due for its weigh-in until December, and it is waiting in my bag at 14.0 ounces, where I can see it. At press time the man in Tacoma had returned for a third croissant, which analysts counted as both a transaction and a ticket. ## The Real Story (factual) Starbucks reported on Oct. 29, 2026 that US comparable coffeehouse sales rose 7.7% in its fiscal fourth quarter ended Sept. 27, driven by a 5.2% increase in average ticket and a 2.4% increase in comparable transactions. The company also closed about 250 company-operated North America coffeehouses in September under its Back to Starbucks plan. Starbucks' US comparable coffeehouse sales rose 7.7% in fiscal Q4 2026 on a 5.2% higher average ticket and 2.4% more transactions; it closed about 250 North America coffeehouses in September. ### Sources - [Starbucks Reports Q4 and Full Fiscal Year 2026 Results](https://investor.starbucks.com/news/financial-releases/news-details/2026/Starbucks-Reports-Q4-and-Full-Fiscal-Year-2026-Results/default.aspx), Starbucks --- The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice.