# Wakefern Turns 80, Grows 2%, Asks For Quiet

> **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts.

- Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/11/02/wakefern-turns-80-grows-2-percent-asks-for-quiet/
- Section: Retail
- Edition: Monday, November 2, 2026 (No. 13)
- Published: 2026-11-02T06:50:00-05:00
- Modified: 2026-11-02T06:50:00-05:00
- Byline: Marjorie Pell, Retail Correspondent (fictional satirical character)
- Genre: Satire

*The ShopRite cooperative posted its slowest sales growth since 2021 and marked the year with a modest sheet cake.*

KEASBEY, N.J.—Wakefern Food Corp., the cooperative behind ShopRite, said retail sales rose 2% to $21.5 billion in fiscal 2026, its slowest growth since 2021, according to Grocery Dive. Members opened seven stores and invested more than $150 million.

"It is our 80th year, and 2% is a very respectable number at 80," said Dot Pellegrino, a fictional cooperative historian. "At 80, you don't sprint. You open seven stores and sit down."

The co-op marked the milestone with one sheet cake, cut into 380 pieces, one per member store, each about the size of a stamp.

## The Real Story (factual)

Grocery Dive reported on Oct. 27, 2026 that Wakefern Food Corp., the cooperative behind ShopRite, recorded $21.5 billion in fiscal 2026 retail sales, up 2% and its slowest growth since 2021. Members opened seven stores and invested more than $150 million in new stores, renovations and other improvements during the 53-week year.

Wakefern's fiscal 2026 retail sales rose 2% to $21.5 billion, its slowest growth since 2021, as members opened seven stores and invested over $150 million.

### Sources

- [Wakefern's sales growth slows to a multi-year low](https://www.grocerydive.com/news/wakefern-food-retail-sales-2026-supermarkets-grocery/872843/), Grocery Dive

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