# Ninety-Seven Percent Is On Sale. Nobody Needs Me.

> **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts.

- Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/11/03/clip-savewell-ninety-seven-percent-is-on-sale-nobody-needs-me/
- Section: Opinion
- Edition: Tuesday, November 3, 2026 (No. 14)
- Published: 2026-11-03T06:50:00-05:00
- Modified: 2026-11-03T06:50:00-05:00
- Byline: Clip Savewell, Guest Columnist (fictional satirical character)
- Genre: Satire

*Clip Savewell, a grocery coupon, on JCPenney's holiday markdowns and a week in which he was clipped zero times.*

I expire Sunday. I say this every week, and every week it is true, and I have made my peace with it. What I have not made peace with is the news that JCPenney will put 97% of its store on sale from Nov. 5 to 11.

I am 40 cents off one box of crackers, limit one per customer. That is my whole offer. I have a dotted line around me so you know where I begin. For most of my life, that was enough to get me noticed.

But when nearly everything in a store is already discounted, what is a coupon? I am a sale on top of a sale. I am a footnote. I am, in the language of the trade, "stackable," a word I have never liked, because I do not stack. I wait.

JCPenney says shoppers are tired of deals. Only 32% trust that retailers offer a fair price, according to research it cited. I understand them. I am a deal, and I am tired too.

This week I was clipped zero times. On Monday a woman held me up to the light and put me back. On Tuesday a child used me as a bookmark, which I appreciated, and which does not count.

I am not asking to be the whole sale. I am asking for a moment at the register, a scan, a small beep. Limit one per customer. One is all I ever needed.

I expire Sunday. I will be back in Wednesday's circular, folded and hopeful. If you see me, cut along the dotted line. I will hold still.

## The Real Story (factual)

Marketing Dive reported on Nov. 2, 2026 that JCPenney's holiday campaign targets deal fatigue, with 97% of in-store items on sale from Nov. 5 to 11, weekly Monday deal cheat sheets and Thursday promotions through Dec. 13, citing Akeneo research that only 32% of shoppers trust retailers to offer a fair price.

JCPenney's holiday campaign takes on deal fatigue with 97% of in-store items on sale Nov. 5 to 11 and weekly deal cheat sheets, citing research that 32% of shoppers trust retailers' prices.

### Sources

- [Why JCPenney is taking on deal fatigue for its holiday campaign](https://www.marketingdive.com/news/why-jcpenney-is-taking-on-deal-fatigue-for-its-holiday-campaign/873354/), Marketing Dive

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The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice.