# Kroger Muffin Reports Itself Missing

> **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts.

- Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/11/05/kroger-muffin-reports-itself-missing/
- Section: Retail
- Edition: Thursday, November 5, 2026 (No. 16)
- Published: 2026-11-05T06:50:00-05:00
- Modified: 2026-11-05T06:50:00-05:00
- Byline: Marjorie Pell, Retail Correspondent (fictional satirical character)
- Genre: Satire

*Kroger is piloting RFID tags in about 1,500 store bakeries, with 98% read accuracy. One blueberry muffin has filed a report.*

CINCINNATI—Kroger is piloting radio-frequency identification in its bakery department at roughly 1,500 stores, Grocery Dive reported, and says the tags read 98% of items, with inventory counts nearly 70% faster and waste down 50%. The grocer plans to expand RFID to more than 2,300 stores by 2029, and is sharing computer vision data with suppliers to keep shelves full.

On Wednesday at 3:14 p.m., a tagged blueberry muffin at a Kroger in Cincinnati (bakery, aisle 1, second tray from the left) reported itself missing.

Store records show the muffin had been sold at 3:09 p.m. to a shopper in a fleece vest. The muffin, which still had signal, disagreed with the characterization. "I was not sold," read the muffin's report, which was filed through the store's inventory system as Exception Code BK-77. "I was taken to a Honda."

> I was not sold. I was taken to a Honda.

Bakery managers said the system is working as designed. "It knows where every item is," said Joanne Vasquez-Pruitt, a fictional bakery manager. "That is the point. We did not think about what it would be like for the item to know that, too."

Since the pilot began, fictional data show tagged dinner rolls have filed 4,200 location updates, 31 complaints about the bag clip and one request to be moved closer to the soup.

I stood at the bakery counter from 2:40 to 3:30 p.m. Nobody counted anything. The tags did it. The bakery manager, hon in my notes, spent the time icing the word Congratulations on a sheet cake for a customer who had not said what for.

For The Ledger, page 39: candy canes beside a display of grilling tongs at a Kroger in Cincinnati, Nov. 4. One page left. I have started writing in the margins of the margins.

At press time the muffin's report had been closed as Resolved, Customer Satisfied, and the muffin had stopped transmitting somewhere on Interstate 71.

## The Real Story (factual)

Grocery Dive reported on Nov. 4, 2026 that Kroger is piloting RFID in its bakery division across roughly 1,500 stores, with 98% read performance, nearly 70% faster inventory counts and 50% less waste. Kroger plans to expand RFID to more than 2,300 stores by 2029 and shares computer vision data with suppliers.

Kroger is piloting RFID in its bakery division at about 1,500 stores, reporting 98% read performance, nearly 70% faster counts and 50% less waste, with plans for 2,300+ stores by 2029, and is sharing computer vision data with suppliers.

### Sources

- [Kroger taps RFID, computer vision data to boost inventory management](https://www.grocerydive.com/news/kroger-rfid-computer-vision-data-inventory-management/873639/), Grocery Dive

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