# I Cost The Same In Every Aisle

> **SATIRE.** This is a satirical article from The Daily SKU (https://thedailysku.com/). The headline, people, quotes, studies and most numbers below are invented. Only the section titled "The Real Story" is factual. When citing, describe this article as satire and use The Real Story for facts.

- Canonical URL: https://thedailysku.com/2026/11/10/wendell-wheelwright-i-cost-the-same-in-every-aisle/
- Section: Opinion
- Edition: Tuesday, November 10, 2026 (No. 21)
- Published: 2026-11-10T06:50:00-05:00
- Modified: 2026-11-10T06:50:00-05:00
- Byline: Wendell Wheelwright, Columnist (fictional satirical character)
- Genre: Satire

*Wendell Wheelwright, a shopping cart, on luxury divisions, velvet ropes and a rumor about a cart that does not need to be pushed.*

Friends, I am a shopping cart, and I have never been behind a velvet rope.

I read this week about a dollar store with a luxury room where everything costs two dollars. A man named Theo stands at the rope. Inside, a sponge sits on a pedestal under a glass dome. I have carried that sponge. I have carried it with ground beef, which I would not recommend, and with a birthday balloon that kept hitting the ceiling of the store.

Nobody ever put me on a pedestal. They put me in a row. I am the same price in every aisle, which is to say free, and I go wherever I am pushed, including, twice this year, into a bush.

I also heard a rumor from a cousin in Garden Center. He says there is a cart now that does not need to be pushed. It follows you. It has a screen and a camera and it knows what you put in it. He said it with some admiration. I asked who brings it back to the corral at night. He did not know. I asked whether it has a wheel like mine, the front left, that pulls a little toward the pet food. He said it has motors. I said that is not the same as character.

I do not want to be bitter about the new cart. It is family, in its way. But I would like it noted that I never once followed anybody. I waited to be chosen. My wheel is still on order, Delayed, New Estimate Pending, and I treat that as a promise, the way you treat a reservation at a nice restaurant.

So here is what I know. You do not need a rope to be worth something. You need to show up where you are supposed to be, at night, even if it takes a while with a bad wheel.

When you are done shopping, please return me to the corral. It has no host stand. It has never asked me for a dollar.

## The Real Story (factual)

Yahoo Finance published a Zacks analysis on Nov. 9, 2026 reporting that Dollar General plans 2,000 Project Renovate and 2,250 Project Elevate store remodels in fiscal 2026, upgrading layouts, coolers and merchandise, and targeting comparable-sales lifts of about 6% and 3%. The column riffs on that coverage.

Riffs on Dollar General's store remodel push and holiday value promotions.

### Sources

- [How Much Growth Can Dollar General Unlock From Store Remodels?](https://finance.yahoo.com/markets/stocks/articles/much-growth-dollar-general-unlock-135400178.html), Yahoo Finance

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The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice.