Marketplaces Satire
eBay Will Now Hold Sellers' Money Until They Ask For It, Like A Grandmother Holding Your Allowance
Starting Nov. 4, sale proceeds go to an eBay balance first. Payout schedules reset. Sellers must request their money, nicely.
SAN JOSE, Calif.—eBay will automatically enroll eligible U.S. sellers in eBay balance, formerly Spendable Funds, on Nov. 4, sending sales proceeds into the balance first and resetting existing payout schedules to on-demand withdrawals.
Sellers who had weekly payouts must now reselect them. "It is my money," said one seller. "I just have to ask for it, and say what it is for, and promise not to spend it all on bubble wrap."
I just have to ask for it, and say what it is for, and promise not to spend it all on bubble wrap.
eBay said the funds can be spent on the site or withdrawn at any time. Sellers said they would withdraw them right away, and then, a little later, check whether they had.
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Riffing on: eBay Makes Seller Balance Mandatory, Resets Payout Schedules In November Update, Value Added Resource