Marketplaces Satire
Area Man Sells Drawer Of Cables, Learns What They Were
eBay's gross merchandise volume grew 15% to $23.2 billion. The buyer of one drawer of cords sent back a 14-page explanation.
Based on real news: eBay Inc. Reports Third Quarter 2026 Results (eBay Inc.)

SAN JOSE, Calif.—A Sacramento man who sold a desk drawer of unidentified cables on eBay for $11.40 learned on Friday, through a 14-page message from the buyer, exactly what each of them was for, and has not been the same since.
"Cable four charged a camcorder I gave away in 2012," said Glen Mattox, 58, a fictional insurance adjuster. "Cable nine powered the router I currently own. I have been looking for cable nine since March. I sold it to a man in Delaware."
The buyer, a fictional collector who goes by CordiallyYours, said he buys mystery cable drawers as a hobby and reports back as a courtesy. "Every drawer tells a story," he said. "This one said he owned a label maker in 2007 and was very proud of it."
Cable four charged a camcorder I gave away in 2012…
eBay said this week that third-quarter gross merchandise volume rose 15% to $23.2 billion, or 16% on a foreign-exchange-neutral basis, and that revenue rose 14% to $3.2 billion. Earnings were $1.11 a share, or $1.51 on a non-GAAP basis.
Mattox has since bought cable nine back for $14 plus shipping, which he described as "a 23% return for the other guy, before shipping, which I also paid." His router is working again. He has started a new drawer.
The Marketplaces Desk notes that the transaction took 11 days from listing to regret. Separately, Appeal No. 43 on behalf of Okafor Vintage Calcs was denied at 7:02 a.m. Friday with the usual template. Appeal No. 44 was filed at 7:03 a.m., citing eBay's 15% growth as evidence that people are buying old things again, including, presumably, calculators. The automated reply thanked him for his continued interest.
The 14-page message ended with the last item in the drawer, a short gray cable with a connector nobody could identify. "I don't know what this one is either," the buyer wrote. "I'm keeping it. I think it's load-bearing."
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Terms in this story: GMV
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Riffing on: eBay Inc. Reports Third Quarter 2026 Results, eBay Inc.