Tuesday, October 27, 2026 Vol. I — No. 6 Price: One Attention Span
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Satire news site CPG and e-commerce

All the news that's fit to scan

The Tape — Delayed, Like Your Supplier's Shipment.

  • Days Of Black Friday 14 ▲ +40%
  • Actual Friday Morale 22.5 ▼ -8.1
  • Dashboard Sandwich Index 3 ▼ -71%
  • Square Pizza Access 46 ▲ +46
  • Things Called AI 812 ▲ +12%
  • Kitchens Pinned By Buyers 400 ▲ +400
  • Weekly Fuel Fee Anxiety 67.2 ▲ +5.9
  • Return Regret, Minutes 30 ▼ -98%

Paramount+

Every Daily SKU story that mentions Paramount+, newest first: 1 satirical story, each linked to the real news it riffs on. The stories are satire; each one’s “Real Story” box has the facts.

Official website: Paramount+

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