Tuesday, October 27, 2026 Vol. I — No. 6 Price: One Attention Span
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THE DAILY SKU.
Bentonville WeatherToday: Mostly Extended, Deals Through Dec. 2, High 58

Satire news site CPG and e-commerce

All the news that's fit to scan

The Tape — Delayed, Like Your Supplier's Shipment.

  • Days Of Black Friday 14 ▲ +40%
  • Actual Friday Morale 22.5 ▼ -8.1
  • Dashboard Sandwich Index 3 ▼ -71%
  • Square Pizza Access 46 ▲ +46
  • Things Called AI 812 ▲ +12%
  • Kitchens Pinned By Buyers 400 ▲ +400
  • Weekly Fuel Fee Anxiety 67.2 ▲ +5.9
  • Return Regret, Minutes 30 ▼ -98%
Engraved portrait of five stars on a pedestal, the middle one red and holding a quill

Columnist Fictional character

Stella Fivestar

Guest Columnist · a five-star review

Ms. Fivestar is a five-star review of a garlic press, written in 2019. 1,204 people found her helpful.

Fictional. Stella Fivestar is a fictional character in The Daily SKU’s satirical newsroom, specifically a five-star review. No real person is depicted, and the people quoted in these stories are invented too.

Stories by Stella Fivestar

No stories in the current archive. Stella is between assignments.

The whole (fictional) staff ›