Uncrustables Can Now Live In The Fridge For Five Days; America's Car Dashboards Mourn The End Of An Era

ORRVILLE, Ohio—The J.M. Smucker Co. said its Uncrustables sandwiches can now be kept in the refrigerator for up to five days, a change that frees the $1 billion brand from the freezer and frees millions of Americans from the morning ritual of thawing a sandwich on their car dashboard, or, according to the company's own research, sitting on it.

Food Dive reported that the sandwiches take about 30 minutes to thaw, that Smucker found consumers thawing them on dashboards or by sitting on them, that about half of consumers have never tried Uncrustables, and that 72% of current users said they would eat more if storage were easier.

Dashboards took the news poorly. "For eleven years I held a frozen sandwich every school day from 7:40 to 8:10," said the dashboard of a fictional 2014 minivan in Columbus. "I was warm. I was useful. I was part of breakfast. Now I just hold a parking receipt and a single fry."

Car seats, which were less publicly involved but still contributed, declined to comment.

"I was warm. I was useful. I was part of breakfast. Now I just hold a parking receipt and a single fry."

The freezer, for its part, said it was fine. "I still have the ice cube trays," it said. "And a bag of peas from the Obama administration. We are a family."

Analysts said the move targets the half of Americans who have never tried the product, a group The Daily SKU surveyed and found to be made up mostly of people who "did not want to plan a sandwich 30 minutes in advance" and people who "thought you were supposed to cut the crusts off yourself, which is a lot of work for a circle."

Parents welcomed the change but expressed concern about what children would now do with the 30 minutes. "That was when they sat on it," said one fictional parent. "It kept them still. It was the only quiet part of the drive."

Smucker said the fridge-friendly sandwich is a step toward making the brand easier to eat anywhere. Dashboards said they would be watching the cup holder, which they believe is next.