Sunday, November 1, 2026 Vol. I · No. 12 Price: One Attention Span
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The Daily SKU
Bentonville WeatherToday: Clocks Fall Back One Hour, Robots Decline The Extra Hour, Clear And Cold, High 54

Satire news site CPG and e-commerce

All the news that's fit to scan

The Tape: Delayed, Like Your Supplier's Shipment.

  • Walmart Symbotic Commitment ($B) 6 ▲ +6
  • eBay Revenue Growth (%) 14 ▲ +14%
  • Haleon Shares, One Day, Nearly (%) -15 ▼ -15%
  • AB InBev Non-Alc Revenue (%) 35 ▲ +35%
  • Haleon 2026 Growth Outlook (%) 2.5 ▼ -1.5
  • Nacho Cheese Temperature (F) 140 ▲ +0
  • Container DSKU 401177-3 Days In Transit 936 ▲ +1

OpenTable

Every Daily SKU story that mentions OpenTable, newest first: 1 satirical story, each linked to the real news it riffs on. The stories are satire; each one’s “Real Story” box has the facts.

Official website: OpenTable

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