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Tuesday, October 27, 2026 Vol. I — No. 6 Price: One Attention Span

SCAN FOR
SAVINGS

Bentonville WeatherToday: Mostly Extended, Deals Through Dec. 2, High 58

Satire news site CPG and e-commerce

All the news that's fit to scan

The Tape — Delayed, Like Your Supplier's Shipment.

Days Of Black Friday 14 ▲ +40%
Actual Friday Morale 22.5 ▼ -8.1
Dashboard Sandwich Index 3 ▼ -71%
Square Pizza Access 46 ▲ +46
Things Called AI 812 ▲ +12%
Kitchens Pinned By Buyers 400 ▲ +400
Weekly Fuel Fee Anxiety 67.2 ▲ +5.9
Return Regret, Minutes 30 ▼ -98%
Days Of Black Friday 14 ▲ +40%
Actual Friday Morale 22.5 ▼ -8.1
Dashboard Sandwich Index 3 ▼ -71%
Square Pizza Access 46 ▲ +46
Things Called AI 812 ▲ +12%
Kitchens Pinned By Buyers 400 ▲ +400
Weekly Fuel Fee Anxiety 67.2 ▲ +5.9
Return Regret, Minutes 30 ▼ -98%

Tootsie Roll Industries

Every Daily SKU story that mentions Tootsie Roll Industries, newest first: 1 satirical story, each linked to the real news it riffs on. The stories are satire; each one’s “Real Story” box has the facts.

Official website: Tootsie Roll Industries

Tootsie Roll Quarterly Profit Falls 35% Despite Company’s Proud 130-Year Tradition Of Changing Absolutely Nothing

Candy maker cites cocoa, packaging and freight costs; loyal fans urge it to respond by continuing to change nothing

Oct 24, 2026 · By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter

Source: SEC EDGAR

All brands, A to Z ›