Satire news site CPG and e-commerce
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Reporter Fictional character
CPG & Brands Reporter. Beat: Packaged goods, snacks, beverages, earnings and brand purpose
Celeste Abernathy covers packaged goods, snacks, beverages, earnings calls and brand purpose. She weighs every bag of chips she buys and has filed three stories that began with a kitchen scale.
Fictional. Celeste Abernathy is a fictional character in The Daily SKU’s satirical newsroom. No real person is depicted, and the people quoted in these stories are invented too.
Smucker says the $1 billion sandwich no longer needs a thaw on the dash. Commuters say it was the warmest part of their morning.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
The premium audio brand and the headphones born on a ski lift are now one family. They have different ideas about bass.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
The stevia-sweetened soda maker landed an investment from GP Investments. The money is also calorie-free.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Big Food is moving into the beef stick. The beef stick, long a gas-station fixture, says it is ready for natural grocers and has started using words like "grass-fed."
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Coke Zero, Sprite Zero and Fresca with 6 grams of fiber are coming to parts of three states. The gut has been notified.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
JAMBAR's organic Minis pushed the brand into 1,200 more doors. Full-size bars are said to be proud, and a little hurt.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Coca-Cola, Nestle and Danone agreed to clearer recycling claims in Europe. The bottle says it feels lighter already.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
A yerba mate energy drink heads to more than 500 Whole Foods stores by November.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
The seasoning brand takes $25 million from The Newcastle Network.
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Chocolate makers explain they bought this year’s cocoa during the panic and children will simply have to wait for the calm
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Private-label sales jump 152% as nation realizes the coconut never knew which brand it was
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Volume growth returns across every region, stunning an industry that had assumed ‘volume’ was a setting on the TV
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Candy maker cites cocoa, packaging and freight costs; loyal fans urge it to respond by continuing to change nothing
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Chocolate-covered chips follow Dec. 1 for anyone still standing
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Chocolate-brownie drink available through Halloween in select stores
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Depletions fell 5% at Boston Beer, though margins rose, because the beer that is still being sold is being sold very efficiently
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Confectioners cite cocoa costs, tariffs and ‘a renewed commitment to the air inside’
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Home-care volumes rise as households cut back on everything except the smell of fresh laundry
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
International business thrives while U.S. shoppers stare at the snack aisle ‘like it’s an ex at a wedding’
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
Fiber to follow ‘as soon as we figure out where to put it’
· By Celeste Abernathy, CPG & Brands Reporter
