Saturday, October 24, 2026 Vol. I No. 3 $4.99 (now with its own spending limit)
THE DAILY SKU.

America’s Most Trusted Source of Untrustworthy Commerce News  ·  Cool, clear, with scattered approval requests after 2 a.m.

Markets (satirical)
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CPG · Packaged Food Satire

Nestlé Reports People Are Once Again Buying More Things, Not Just Paying More For The Same Things

Volume growth returns across every region, stunning an industry that had assumed ‘volume’ was a setting on the TV

VEVEY, SWITZERLAND—Nestlé on Thursday reported third-quarter organic growth of 4 percent, with real internal growth—the industry’s term for people actually buying more stuff—positive in every region, stunning a consumer-goods sector that had spent several years assuming ‘volume’ was a button on the remote.

“For a while there, growth meant charging the same people more for the same yogurt,” said Gregory Hadfield, a fictional consumer-staples strategist at Larchmont Capital. “Now people are buying additional yogurt. Nobody on my team had ever seen it. One analyst had to be walked through it on a whiteboard.”

The results arrived the same day another household-products giant also reported higher volumes, prompting a brief wave of optimism across the sector that the American consumer might be ‘holding up,’ a phrase that has been used to describe the consumer every quarter since roughly 1958.

The Industry Rediscovers VolumeShare of CPG earnings calls mentioning the word, %, illustrative
  • ‘Pricing’
  • ‘Volume’
  • ‘Consumer is resilient’
10335578100Q1 ’25Q3 ’25Q1 ’26Q3 ’26
The Industry Rediscovers Volume
Period‘Pricing’‘Volume’‘Consumer is resilient’
Q1 ’25882250
Q2 ’25842550
Q3 ’25802750
Q4 ’25773050
Q1 ’26743650
Q2 ’26704450
Q3 ’26616350

Source: The Daily SKU; not real data

Shoppers explain themselves

Shoppers interviewed by The Daily SKU said there was no grand strategy behind their purchases. “I bought two frozen pizzas instead of one,” said Kendra Laird, 46, of Toledo, Ohio. “I didn’t realize I was a data point. I would have stood up straighter.”

Analysts cautioned that higher energy and freight costs could still weigh on margins in coming quarters, and that the industry would be closely monitoring whether people continue buying things, or return to their natural state of staring at things and putting them back.

The Daily SKU is a satirical publication. Names, quotes and most figures in this story are fictional; see “The Real Story” for the facts. About us.