Retail · Subscriptions Satire
Albertsons Launches $39 Membership So Shoppers Can Finally Say They Belong To A Grocery Store
Members get unlimited same-day delivery, non-expiring points and the warm sense of being part of something with a produce section
BOISE, IDAHO—Albertsons Companies this week unveiled Albertsons for U+, a $39-a-year subscription offering unlimited free same-day delivery on orders over $30, giving Americans who already belong to a warehouse club, two streaming services and a gym they visited once the chance to finally say they belong to a grocery store.
“For years, I just went to the grocery store like some kind of drifter,” said Carl Bettencourt, 52, a fictional shopper in Pleasanton, Calif. “Now I’m a member. I have a tier. When I walk past the deli, I feel like the deli knows.”
The program, available across banners including Safeway, Vons, Jewel-Osco, ACME and Shaw’s, also offers a $2 upgrade to ‘Flash’ delivery in as little as 30 minutes and points that never expire—a feature analysts said would give households something permanent in an uncertain world.
- 34% Free same-day delivery over $30
- 18% Points that don’t expire
- 27% Already in four other memberships, felt left out
- 21% Wanted a club that meets near the rotisserie chickens
| Item | Share |
|---|---|
| Free same-day delivery over $30 | 34% |
| Points that don’t expire | 18% |
| Already in four other memberships, felt left out | 27% |
| Wanted a club that meets near the rotisserie chickens | 21% |
Source: The Daily SKU Membership Desk; fictional survey
The membership economy expands
The launch comes days after a rival introduced a combined membership bundle, deepening what economists call the nation’s ‘belonging-to-things’ sector. “The average household now pays annual fees to roughly a dozen organizations, none of which will help them move a couch,” said Janet Oyelaran, a fictional consumer economist.
At $39, the program costs less than many rivals, a price members praised as ‘low enough to forget about,’ which the industry considers the highest compliment.
The Daily SKU is a satirical publication. Names, quotes and most figures in this story are fictional; see “The Real Story” for the facts. About us.