Retail · Holiday Hiring Satire
Amazon To Hire 300,000 Holiday Workers For Tasks Its Robots Have Described As ‘Not Really Our Thing’
Seasonal staff will pack the boxes, unpack the returns and gently remind the robots where they left the scanner
SEATTLE—Amazon announced this week it will hire more than 300,000 people for the holiday season, a 20% jump from recent years, filling roles that company robots have repeatedly declined, citing “vibes.”
“Our robots are extraordinary at moving shelves,” said a fulfillment strategist who asked to be identified only as ‘a person in a lanyard.’ “What they don’t love is the ambiguity. A box comes in that says ‘FRAGILE—THIS SIDE UP’ and it’s on its side. Do you honor the box’s stated wishes or its lived reality? That’s a human question.”
Seasonal employees will earn an average of $20 an hour, and those working at least 30 hours a week will get healthcare from their first day of work, starting January 1, a date that falls conveniently after the part of the year when people lift the most boxes.
A tight market for seasonal bodies
- 38% Packing boxes
- 22% Unpacking returns of those boxes
- 14% Locating the scanner
- 14% Waiting until Jan. 1 for healthcare to kick in
- 12% Standing near a robot so it feels included
| Item | Share |
|---|---|
| Packing boxes | 38% |
| Unpacking returns of those boxes | 22% |
| Locating the scanner | 14% |
| Waiting until Jan. 1 for healthcare to kick in | 14% |
| Standing near a robot so it feels included | 12% |
Source: The Daily SKU Labor Imagination Unit
The hiring spree stands out in an otherwise subdued season. Outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas expects total seasonal retail hiring to come in below last year, and several large chains have declined to announce plans, preferring to wait and see whether shoppers show up, and then whether anyone is there when they do.
“We looked at automating returns. Then we looked at what people return. We’re hiring.”
Each new hire will be assigned a small supervisory robot that carries a clipboard, has no authority and, according to internal documents seen by no one, ‘really wants this to go well.’
At press time, the company had also announced 300,000 seasonal jobs for robots, all of which were filled by the same robot.
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