Friday, October 23, 2026 Evening Edition · Vol. I No. 2 $4.99 (same as this morning)
THE DAILY SKU.

America’s Most Trusted Source of Untrustworthy Commerce News  ·  Overnight: scattered delivery delays, clearing in 7–21 business days

Markets (satirical)
  • Settlement Checks In Transit $100M ▲ +7–21 days
  • Trust In ‘Was’ Prices 22% ▼ -24 pts
  • Memberships Forgotten Per Household 4.6 ▲ +1.0
  • Grocers On Amazon Fewer ▼ -4
  • Beer Depletions -5% ▼ -5%
  • Throw Pillows Per Target Trip 5 ▲ +5
  • Abandoned Carts Left Alone 0 ▼ -100%
  • Grocery App Uptime Back ▲ +1 wk

Retail · Digital Satire

Grocery Shoppers Mourn End Of Week-Long App Outage That Forced Them To Simply Walk Into The Store

Websites and apps are back for Stop & Shop, Food Lion, Hannaford and Giant after a cyberattack; one man reports he ‘saw an aisle’

QUINCY, Mass.—Grocery shoppers across the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic expressed a quiet sense of loss this week after the websites and apps for several major chains came back online, ending a roughly week-long outage that had forced them to walk into a building, pick up food and give it to another human being for money.

“For seven days, I just went to the store,” said Gerald Pomeroy, 67, of Quincy, describing the period with the reverence of a man recalling a pilgrimage. “I saw an aisle. I saw the whole aisle. Did you know there’s a section with just soup? I didn’t know. The app had been hiding it from me.”

Others said the transition back had been difficult. “I had gotten used to not clipping 41 digital coupons before breakfast,” said Anita Cho, 39, of Norwalk, Conn. “Now they’re all back, and they expire Sunday, and I feel like I owe them something.”

Household Grocery Behavior During the OutageOct. 11–21, minutes per day, one household in Connecticut
  • Clipping digital coupons
  • Talking to a cashier
  • Inner peace
-1013355880Oct 11Oct 13Oct 15Oct 17Oct 19Oct 21
Household Grocery Behavior During the Outage
PeriodClipping digital couponsTalking to a cashierInner peace
Oct 1138010
Oct 130640
Oct 150955
Oct 1701262
Oct 1901470
Oct 2141112

Source: The Daily SKU Consumer Desk (sample size: one)

“For one week, I was a man who knew where the soup was.”

The chains are offering limited-time perks, which customers said they appreciated and would redeem as soon as they remembered their passwords.

At press time, Pomeroy had returned to ordering online but said he still drives by the store sometimes, just to look.

The Daily SKU is a satirical publication. Names, quotes and most figures in this story are fictional; see “The Real Story” for the facts. About us.