Colgate Now Controls 41.4% Of Every Mouth On Earth

NEW YORK—Colgate-Palmolive said Friday that it holds 41.4% of the global toothpaste market, a figure a fictional man in Tulsa, Okla., said he first noticed when his upper-left molars were annexed during breakfast.

"I was eating toast," said Ron Kettleman, 61, a fictional retired land surveyor. "I felt a small flag go in. My dentist says the back three are theirs now. I still have the front ones. For now."

The company reported third-quarter net sales of $5.369 billion, up 4.6%, with organic sales up 3.6% and base earnings of 97 cents a share, up 7%. It said it also holds 33.1% of the global manual toothbrush market, and it raised its guidance for the year.

said Ron Kettleman, 61, a fictional retired land surveyor.

Who Controls The Average MouthShare of a typical mouth, by allegiance, according to a desk that is not a dentist

Colgate, per its toothpaste share 41%
Every other toothpaste 47%
The tongue, neutral 8%
Wisdom teeth, not yet briefed 4%

Who Controls The Average Mouth
Colgate, per its toothpaste share	41%
Every other toothpaste	47%
The tongue, neutral	8%
Wisdom teeth, not yet briefed	4%

Source: Colgate-Palmolive Q3 2026 release for the 41.4%; the rest is The Daily SKU Retail Desk

Dental professionals stressed that the figure measures toothpaste sales, not mouths. The makers of the other 58.6% were reported to be meeting somewhere near the gums. The tongue has declared neutrality. Wisdom teeth, which arrive late to everything, have not been briefed.

In the aisle, things are calmer. At a drugstore in Queens, the toothpaste is kept behind locked plexiglass beside a call button. This reporter pressed it at 9:02 a.m. A clerk arrived at 9:13 with a key ring the size of a dinner plate and asked which part of the 41.4% she wanted. She chose the small tube. It was $6.49. It was not locked up for nothing.

For the Ledger: a toothbrush with a candy-cane stripe, hanging beside the Halloween toothpaste, Oct. 30. Entry made on page 33 of 40. Seven pages remain. Two holidays remain. The math has been noted.

Colgate also owns a pet food business, which grew 5.6%. Dogs remain unaligned. A fictional shopper in Austin, Texas, said she was not worried about the company's reach. "They have 41.4% of my mouth," she said. "My dentist has the rest. He sends a bill."

Marjorie Pell has worked or covered American stores for 40 years and still knows where the paper towels are. More from Marjorie Pell ›