Opinion Satire
Candy Costs 18% More. I Carry It Free.
Wendell Wheelwright, a shopping cart, on Halloween prices, heavy bags and who pushes the chocolate to the register.
Based on real news: Candy prices got you scared stiff? What to know about the cost of Halloween this year (NPR)
I am a shopping cart. I carry what you buy. This week, what you buy is candy, and I want to report that it has gotten heavier in a way that has nothing to do with weight.
According to NPR, candy and gum prices are up 7.7% from a year ago and more than 18% over two years. I have carried every one of those bags. I did not get a raise. I did not get 7.7%. I got a sticker on my child seat that says "Happy Haunting," which I did not ask for and cannot remove.
People treat the candy aisle differently now. They used to toss bags into me. Now they set them down gently, like groceries for someone who is not well. One man held a bag of peanut butter cups up to the light before he put it in. I believe he was looking for the price. I believe he found it.
- Candy, in bags marked family size 48%
- Pumpkins, uncarved 26%
- Costume parts, thrifted 14%
- Toothpaste, unlocked eventually 8%
- One child, briefly 4%
| Candy, in bags marked family size | 48% |
|---|---|
| Pumpkins, uncarved | 26% |
| Costume parts, thrifted | 14% |
| Toothpaste, unlocked eventually | 8% |
| One child, briefly | 4% |
Source: Wendell Wheelwright's own log; one wheel, many opinions
When you are done, please do not leave me in the parking lot facing the wind.
The National Retail Federation says Americans will spend a record $13.5 billion on Halloween. I would estimate a fair share of that passes through me on the way to the register. I do not take a cut. I do not even get a fun-size.
News on the wheel. The waiting list did not move this week. A cart ahead of me was dressed as a wagon for a store event and was briefly reclassified as seasonal merchandise. Management is reviewing whether she still counts.
So, to the shoppers of Halloween week: I know it costs more. I carry it anyway. When you are done, please do not leave me in the parking lot facing the wind. Return me to the corral. I have been carrying chocolate at today's prices. I deserve a little dignity at no extra charge.
More on National Retail Federation
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Riffing on: Candy prices got you scared stiff? What to know about the cost of Halloween this year, NPR