Retail Satire
H-E-B Store To Double In Size; Shoppers Begin Stretching
H-E-B plans a 112,000-square-foot store in Ennis, Texas. Residents have started training.
Based on real news: The Friday Checkout: Instacart-DoorDash deal raises questions (Grocery Dive)

ENNIS, Texas—H-E-B will build a 112,000-square-foot store in Ennis, more than twice the size of the current location, with construction starting in mid-2027 and finishing by late 2028, Grocery Dive reported.
"I walk two miles a day now," said Darlene Voss, 66, a fictional retiree. "By 2028 I will need four, just to reach the tortillas."

said Darlene Voss, 66, a fictional retiree.
Voss said she has started a training plan. "Week one is produce to dairy," she said. "Week eight is the bakery and back, without stopping for samples."
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Riffing on: The Friday Checkout: Instacart-DoorDash deal raises questions, Grocery Dive