Brands Satire
Columbia Grows 2%, Jacket Remains In Car
Third-quarter net sales rose 2%. A fictional shopper in Spokane owns three of the jackets and wore none of them this week.
Based on real news: Columbia Sportswear Company Reports Third Quarter 2026 Financial Results (Columbia Sportswear)
PORTLAND, Ore.—Columbia Sportswear said third-quarter net sales rose 2% to $962.6 million, according to its release.
"I own three," said Dale Morrow, 47, a fictional shopper in Spokane. "One is in the car, one is in the closet, one is in the other car. It was 38 degrees this week and I wore a hoodie."
said Dale Morrow, 47, a fictional shopper in Spokane.
Morrow said the jackets are doing well regardless. "They are a great company," he said. "They do not need me to wear them. They need me to buy them."
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Riffing on: Columbia Sportswear Company Reports Third Quarter 2026 Financial Results, Columbia Sportswear