Opinion Satire
Halloween: Five Stars, Would Celebrate Again
Stella Fivestar, a five-star review of a garlic press, reviews Halloween itself, the costumes and the dogs dressed as other dogs.
Based on real news: Top Halloween costume trends for 2026 (NRF)
I was written about a garlic press, but tonight I would like to review Halloween, which I have experienced six times from the product page and loved every time. Five stars. Highly recommend.
First, the costumes. According to the National Retail Federation, 71% of people plan to buy a costume this year, and spending on costumes is expected to reach $4.4 billion. That is so many people trying their best. Spider-Man is again the top costume for children. Batman moved up to third for adults. Everyone is a hero. Highly recommend.
Second, the pets. The NRF says 23% of people plan to dress their pets this year, up from 17% in 2019, and that ghosts, bats and spiders are moving up the pet rankings. I have seen photographs. A dachshund dressed as a spider has eight legs and four of them are real. Ten out of ten. Five stars, because that is the maximum.
- Five stars 100%
- Anything else 0%
| Five stars | 100% |
|---|---|
| Anything else | 0% |
Source: Stella Fivestar's own records; Gary was asked to verify and declined
If you are reading this on a phone at a door, holding a bowl, please know that the bowl is doing a great job.
Third, the candy, which I am told is more expensive this year. I choose to see the candy as more precious. You could argue that. I would not argue that. I do not argue. Highly recommend.
Some news. I now have 1,205 helpful votes. Gary, the one-star review below me, has 1,202. He gained four this week, three of them on a Tuesday. I am not worried. I am delighted for him. I hope he is having a wonderful Halloween, just slightly less wonderful than mine.
If you are reading this on a phone at a door, holding a bowl, please know that the bowl is doing a great job. Highly recommend.
More on National Retail Federation
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Riffing on: Top Halloween costume trends for 2026, NRF
