Saturday, October 31, 2026 Vol. I · No. 11 Price: One Attention Span
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  • Online Grocery Sales (%) 15.5 ▲ +15.5%
  • In-Store Grocery Sales (%) -2.8 ▼ -2.8%
  • Crocs Gross Margin (%) 66.2 ▲ +0.0
  • Hershey Salty Snack Sales (%) 22.3 ▲ +22.3%
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  • Gerald Purchases, Lifetime 18 ▲ +1
  • Container DSKU 401177-3 Days In Transit 935 ▲ +1

Opinion Satire

Halloween: Five Stars, Would Celebrate Again

Stella Fivestar, a five-star review of a garlic press, reviews Halloween itself, the costumes and the dogs dressed as other dogs.

Based on real news: Top Halloween costume trends for 2026 (NRF)

I was written about a garlic press, but tonight I would like to review Halloween, which I have experienced six times from the product page and loved every time. Five stars. Highly recommend.

First, the costumes. According to the National Retail Federation, 71% of people plan to buy a costume this year, and spending on costumes is expected to reach $4.4 billion. That is so many people trying their best. Spider-Man is again the top costume for children. Batman moved up to third for adults. Everyone is a hero. Highly recommend.

Second, the pets. The NRF says 23% of people plan to dress their pets this year, up from 17% in 2019, and that ghosts, bats and spiders are moving up the pet rankings. I have seen photographs. A dachshund dressed as a spider has eight legs and four of them are real. Ten out of ten. Five stars, because that is the maximum.

Stars I Have Given Things This YearEvery review I have written, by rating
  • Five stars 100%
  • Anything else 0%
Stars I Have Given Things This Year
Five stars100%
Anything else0%

Source: Stella Fivestar's own records; Gary was asked to verify and declined

If you are reading this on a phone at a door, holding a bowl, please know that the bowl is doing a great job.

Third, the candy, which I am told is more expensive this year. I choose to see the candy as more precious. You could argue that. I would not argue that. I do not argue. Highly recommend.

Some news. I now have 1,205 helpful votes. Gary, the one-star review below me, has 1,202. He gained four this week, three of them on a Tuesday. I am not worried. I am delighted for him. I hope he is having a wonderful Halloween, just slightly less wonderful than mine.

If you are reading this on a phone at a door, holding a bowl, please know that the bowl is doing a great job. Highly recommend.

Ms. Fivestar is a five-star review of a garlic press, written in 2019. 1,204 people found her helpful.

More on National Retail Federation

The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice. About us.

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Riffing on: Top Halloween costume trends for 2026, NRF