Pop-Tarts Now Tastes Like A Can Of Water

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich.—A toaster in a kitchen on the city's east side requested written guidance on Friday after learning that the breakfast pastry it heats every weekday would soon taste like a flavored can of water.

The pastry, Pop-Tarts Liquid Death Squeezed to Death Frosted Orange, puts a citrus jam inspired by Liquid Death's orange sparkling water inside the Mars-owned pastry, according to Food Dive. It arrives at participating retailers in November and is the second collaboration between the two brands, after a strawberry Pop-Tart-flavored iced tea earlier this year.

"I was built to heat a pastry," said the fictional toaster, a two-slot model purchased in 2014. "Then I was told the pastry tastes like a drink. Then I was told the drink tastes like a soda. Nobody has told me what I taste like. I would like that in writing before November."

said the fictional toaster, a two-slot model purchased in 2014.

What The Toaster Thinks It Is Heating

An orange	34%
A can of water, somehow	27%
Breakfast, broadly	21%
A warning	12%
Declined to toast	6%

Source: The Daily SKU CPG Desk; 88 fictional toasters, two slots each

Food Dive noted that food and beverage brands increasingly team up across categories. A fictional brand strategist in Chicago said the industry has entered what she called the Flavor of a Flavor era. "A cereal tastes like a cookie. A cookie tastes like a candy. A candy tastes like a cereal," said Renata Volk, of the fictional consultancy Adjacent. "We expect to close the loop by the second quarter. After that, everything tastes like everything, and we can finally rest."

Volk added that her firm is already in talks on a frosted water.

I bought the box of the strawberry version this summer to compare. (Judge, my kitchen scale, put one pastry at 50 grams. The label says 50 grams. Judge has no notes.) The orange version has not reached Lancaster yet, and the receipt for the strawberry one is in my folder.

The toaster's owner, Karen Wilt, 41, a fictional dental hygienist, said she will buy the new flavor. "I have bought every flavor of everything since 2019," she said. "My pantry tastes like a mall."

At press time the toaster had filed its request on Form TS-2 and was waiting by the outlet, plugged in, at the ready, in case the answer was bread.

Celeste Abernathy covers packaged goods and weighs everything first. Judge, her kitchen scale, assisted. More from Celeste Abernathy ›

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