Nation Fails To Catch Cold; Advil Maker Falls 15%

LANCASTER, Pa.—Shares of Haleon, the maker of Advil, Theraflu and Flonase, fell nearly 15% this week after a weak cold and flu season, prompting industry analysts to formally ask the American public what it thinks it is doing.

Haleon cut its 2026 organic revenue growth outlook to about 2.5%, down from a range of 3% to 5%, according to Yahoo Finance. The company cited soft cold and flu demand and a delayed flu season, along with a halt to Centrum imports into China. It was the stock's biggest one-day drop on record.

"Americans had every opportunity to get sick," said Bertrand Usher, a fictional consumer health analyst in Hartford. "They went to work. They rode trains. They shook hands at a wedding in Delaware. And then, collectively, they did not get sick. I do not know what to tell investors except that the nation was healthy on purpose."

Americans had every opportunity to get sick…

Why You Didn't Get SickFictional survey of 900 healthy Americans on what they did instead

Why You Didn't Get Sick
Nothing, which is the problem	44%
Washed hands, once, thoroughly	23%
Stayed home, out of spite	17%
Waited for the flu season	11%
Got sick, did not report it	5%

Source: The Daily SKU CPG Desk; 900 fictional respondents, none of them sniffling

A fictional trade group, the Council for a Normal Season, issued a statement Friday reminding consumers that a cold is "a seasonal tradition, like pumpkins or returning a sweater." It recommended that shoppers stand near one another in November "in the spirit of the category."

I went to the cold and flu aisle at a pharmacy here on Saturday morning. It was fully stocked. Every box was facing forward. A fictional pharmacist, Vera Klug, 61, said she had pulled one tissue out of one box so the aisle would look visited. "It looked untouched," she said. "Untouched is bad for morale."

This morning was also the Pretzel's monthly weigh-in. (I weighed it: 14.0 ounces. Judge, my kitchen scale, agreed. The weight held for a second month. The count did not. Last month the bag held 63 twists. This morning it held 61.) I have entered both numbers in the biography, on separate lines.

Usher said Haleon will recover when the flu season finally arrives. "It is not canceled," he said. "It is delayed. Like everything else, it is in transit."

At press time a man in Ohio had sneezed once in a grocery store and three analysts had upgraded the stock to hold.

Celeste Abernathy covers packaged goods and weighs everything first. Judge, her kitchen scale, assisted. More from Celeste Abernathy ›