Marketplaces Satire
Amazon Now Sells Dinner Two Aisles From Batteries
Prime members can order Uber Eats inside Amazon with $0 delivery on $25 orders. The search bar now returns pad thai and a 48-pack of AA.
Based on real news: Amazon announces partnership with Uber Eats offering Prime members $0 delivery (About Amazon)

SEATTLE, Wash.—Prime members can now order restaurant dinners from Uber Eats directly inside Amazon.com and the Amazon Shopping app, with $0 delivery fees on orders of $25 or more, the company said. In practice, a fictional shopper in Daphne, Ala., searched for "chicken tikka masala" at 6:42 p.m. Thursday and received, as the top three results, chicken tikka masala, a 48-pack of AA batteries and a customer review of the batteries that mentioned they "pair well with dinner."
"I did not ask for batteries," said the shopper, a fictional dental hygienist named Corinne Tate. "But it turns out I did need batteries."
Amazon said members can sign in with existing Amazon credentials and pay with stored payment methods, with no Uber Eats app or account required. To start, members get $20 off each of their first two Uber Eats orders of $25 or more for the first 14 days, and Prime Visa holders earn 5% back on Uber Eats orders through Dec. 5. Amazon estimated a typical member could save more than $175 a year.
said the shopper, a fictional dental hygienist named Corinne Tate.
The product detail page for a fictional order of pad see ew, viewed by The Daily SKU, listed the dish under Grocery & Gourmet Food, with a "Customers also bought" carousel featuring a phone charger, a shower curtain liner and, in the third slot, more pad see ew. A "Subscribe & Save" option was not offered. (seller forum, 11:14 p.m.: "Has anyone been able to get noodles into FBA. Asking for a restaurant.")

A seller I trust, who sells kitchen timers and has never sold a burrito, said she reviewed the listing format with concern. "The restaurant does not have to pay a fulfillment fee," she said. "I pay one for a timer that weighs four ounces. The burrito weighs more than the timer."
Dashiell Okafor filed Appeal No. 45 on Saturday, citing the restaurant listings as new evidence that Amazon can add an entire category overnight and therefore can, in principle, read an appeal. Appeal No. 44 remains marked Seen. He considers No. 45 its sequel.
Delivery notifications come from Amazon, with Uber Eats sending a final order confirmation, the company said. Tate received four notifications about her dinner and one about her batteries, which arrived the next morning, cold, as batteries do.
"The masala was hot and the batteries were not," Tate said. "Honestly, that is the correct way around."
She left the batteries a five-star review. She left the masala three stars. It did not come with a remote.
Terms in this story: FBA (Fulfillment by Amazon)
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Riffing on: Amazon announces partnership with Uber Eats offering Prime members $0 delivery, About Amazon