Latte Cereal Contains No Coffee; Spoon Remains Tired

MINNEAPOLIS, Minn.—General Mills and Dunkin' are releasing three cereals inspired by Dunkin' drinks, Food Dive reported: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cinnamon Caramel Latte, Reese's Puffs Peanut Butter Mocha and a vanilla latte Golden Grahams. General Mills said the cereals contain no coffee or caffeine. A fictional spoon in a fictional kitchen in Edina, Minn., received the news at 6:15 a.m. and set itself down on the counter.

"I was told latte," the spoon said. "I have been up since five."

The cereals arrive at Walmart stores nationwide beginning in December, according to Food Dive, and mark the first collaboration between the two companies. An executive at Inspire Brands, Dunkin's owner, said in a statement that the partnership brings Dunkin' beverage flavors into the cereal bowl. Food Dive noted General Mills has made collaborations central to its growth strategy, including Cheerios boxes with resealable Ziploc bags.

In a fictional focus group convened by the Breakfast Expectations Council, 64% of participants who ate the cereal said they felt

Ronan Fairweather, who covers brand partnerships the way some men cover a high school football team, praised the kerning on the box before saying anything else. "The word latte sits beautifully," he said. "It just does not do anything."

In a fictional focus group convened by the Breakfast Expectations Council, 64% of participants who ate the cereal said they felt "latte-adjacent." 22% said they felt "cinnamon-forward but professionally unchanged." 14% asked whether they could also have a coffee. They could. It was in another room.

A fictional brand strategist, Kendra Vollmer of Morning Moment Partners, called the launch a high-intent breakfast. "The consumer wants the ritual of coffee without the commitment of coffee," Vollmer said. "This is a cereal that gives you the feeling of having somewhere to be."

After researching this story, Fairweather was followed by eleven ads for coffee makers, four for cereal and one, as always, for the weighted blanket. The blanket ad appeared on his toaster. He does not know how. He did not unplug the toaster.

The spoon has since returned to the drawer, friend, where it lies with the others, uncaffeinated, waiting for a real cup that may or may not come.

Ronan Fairweather edits retail media and DTC coverage. The weighted-blanket ad is still following him. More from Ronan Fairweather ›

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