Brands Satire
Starbucks Grows 7.7%, Mostly Per Cup
Starbucks' US comparable sales rose 7.7% last quarter. The average ticket rose 5.2%. The visits rose 2.4%. Do the math, then buy an egg bite.
Based on real news: Starbucks Reports Q4 and Full Fiscal Year 2026 Results (Starbucks)
SEATTLE, Wash.—Starbucks said its US comparable sales rose 7.7% in its fiscal fourth quarter, a result analysts attributed partly to more Americans visiting and mostly to each American leaving with more than planned, including, in one fictional Tacoma case, a second croissant the customer did not remember choosing.
In the quarter ended Sept. 27, US comparable coffeehouse sales rose on a 5.2% increase in average ticket and a 2.4% increase in transactions, the company reported. In North America, the bigger ticket came from product mix, food attach, pricing and delivery. The chain also closed about 250 company-operated North America coffeehouses in September as part of its Back to Starbucks plan.
"Food attach" is a phrase I have now heard on three earnings calls this month, and readers deserve to know what it means in practice. It means you went in for a coffee and came out with an egg bite, and the egg bite is now a line on a slide.
The customer is not coming twice as often…
| US comparable sales | 7.7% |
|---|---|
| Average ticket | 5.2% |
| Transactions | 2.4% |
Source: Starbucks fiscal Q4 2026 results; the squirrel comparison is from a fictional analyst in Portland
"The customer is not coming twice as often," said Marguerite Okoye, a fictional beverage analyst in Portland, Ore. "The customer is coming slightly more often and carrying slightly more. Like a squirrel in October."
A fictional Daily SKU review of 500 receipts found that the average customer entered intending to buy one item and left with 1.6. The extra 0.6 was most often a banana, which 31% of respondents said they did not want but felt wanted them.
I bought a coffee here on Sunday and weighed it, because I weigh things. (I weighed it: 16.4 ounces, cup and lid included, for a 16-ounce drink.) I have nothing to report. It was fine. It was more than fine. I sat with that for a while. The Pretzel is not due for its weigh-in until December, and it is waiting in my bag at 14.0 ounces, where I can see it.
At press time the man in Tacoma had returned for a third croissant, which analysts counted as both a transaction and a ticket.
More on Starbucks
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Riffing on: Starbucks Reports Q4 and Full Fiscal Year 2026 Results, Starbucks