Monday, November 2, 2026 Vol. I · No. 13 Price: One Attention Span
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Satire news site CPG and e-commerce

All the news that's fit to scan

The Tape: Delayed, Like Your Supplier's Shipment.

  • Costco Food & Bev Share (%) 8.4 ▲ +0.5
  • Kroger Food & Bev Share (%) 8.2 ▼ -0.2
  • Starbucks US Comps (%) 7.7 ▲ +7.7%
  • Walmart Meal Basket, Feeds 10 ($) 35 ▲ +0
  • Albertsons Board Seats 15 ▲ +5
  • Albertsons Membership ($/yr) 39 ▼ -60
  • Container DSKU 401177-3 Days In Transit 937 ▲ +1

Retail Satire

USDA Proposes Chip SNAP Cards; Magnetic Stripe Told To Pack

A proposed rule would move SNAP EBT cards to chip and tap-to-pay to fight skimming. The stripe is taking it hard.

Based on real news: Proposed Rule: SNAP Electronic Benefits Transfer Card Security Measures (USDA Food and Nutrition Administration)

Illustration of a long stocked shelf aisle with one pink box
Illustration: The Daily SKU

WASHINGTON—The USDA has proposed requiring states to move SNAP EBT cards to chip and tap-to-pay technology, and retailers to accept them, to curb benefit theft from skimming and card cloning, according to the agency's proposed rule. Comments are open until Dec. 22.

"I've been swiped since the '90s," said a fictional magnetic stripe, reached in a wallet in Dayton. "I know I'm easy to copy. I just thought we had something."

Illustration of an antique cash register with a long receipt
Illustration: The Daily SKU

said a fictional magnetic stripe, reached in a wallet in Dayton.

A fictional card reader in Toledo said it has been ready since 2015 and has been "waiting with its little light on."

Dashiell Okafor covers marketplaces, and his seller-account appeal is entering its seventh year.

The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice. About us.

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Riffing on: Proposed Rule: SNAP Electronic Benefits Transfer Card Security Measures, USDA Food and Nutrition Administration