Retail Satire
Wakefern Turns 80, Grows 2%, Asks For Quiet
The ShopRite cooperative posted its slowest sales growth since 2021 and marked the year with a modest sheet cake.
Based on real news: Wakefern's sales growth slows to a multi-year low (Grocery Dive)
KEASBEY, N.J.—Wakefern Food Corp., the cooperative behind ShopRite, said retail sales rose 2% to $21.5 billion in fiscal 2026, its slowest growth since 2021, according to Grocery Dive. Members opened seven stores and invested more than $150 million.
"It is our 80th year, and 2% is a very respectable number at 80," said Dot Pellegrino, a fictional cooperative historian. "At 80, you don't sprint. You open seven stores and sit down."
It is our 80th year, and 2% is a very respectable number at 80…
The co-op marked the milestone with one sheet cake, cut into 380 pieces, one per member store, each about the size of a stamp.
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Riffing on: Wakefern's sales growth slows to a multi-year low, Grocery Dive