Opinion Satire
Publix Walks You To Your Car. I Was Already There.
Wendell Wheelwright, a shopping cart, on Publix's slow quarter, courtesy, and a tracking number he has decided not to look at.
Based on real news: Publix's comp sales slide once again (Grocery Dive)
Publix had a soft quarter. Comparable sales fell 0.6%, the fifth quarter in a row that things slowed down, and the people in charge said folks are feeling a challenging economy. I believe them. I can feel it in the bags. They are lighter, and they are more careful.
Now, I have a cousin at a Publix in Kentucky. Good family. Same frame as me, a little newer around the handle. He tells me that down there, a young person in an apron will offer to walk your groceries out to your car. Walk them. In the cart. With you.
I want to be fair about this. It is a kind thing to do. But I would like it noted, for the record, that the groceries were already being walked to the car. By the cart. That is the whole job. The young person is a lovely addition. The cart is the walk.
- A cart, me 52%
- A bagger, politely 23%
- The shopper, carrying too much 19%
- Nobody, it stayed in the lot 6%
| A cart, me | 52% |
|---|---|
| A bagger, politely | 23% |
| The shopper, carrying too much | 19% |
| Nobody, it stayed in the lot | 6% |
Source: Source: Wendell Wheelwright, counted from the corral. Fictional.
Some of us have only three good wheels, and we would like to get home too.
My front-left wheel has been talking to me all week, the way it does when the weather turns. You learn to go a little slower. You learn that a bad wheel and a slow quarter have something in common: neither one is a disaster, and neither one is going anywhere fast.
Speaking of which. My $4 caster, order DSKU-CSTR-000004, has been Preparing for Shipment since Tuesday at 4:00 a.m. A colleague in Supply Chain tells me it now has a tracking number. I have decided not to look at it. You do not stare at a pot, and you do not stare at a caster.
So here is all I ask, family. If someone walks you to your car this week, thank them, and mean it. Then walk the cart back to the corral yourself. Do not leave it in the space beside the minivan with one wheel up on the curb. Some of us have only three good wheels, and we would like to get home too.
More on Publix
The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice. About us.
As an Amazon Associate, The Daily SKU earns from qualifying purchases.
Riffing on: Publix's comp sales slide once again, Grocery Dive