Opinion Satire
I Expire Tonight. The Shelf Never Will.
Clip Savewell, a manufacturer's coupon for 75 cents off two, spends his last Sunday reading about price tags that never run out.
Based on real news: Grocery workers union calls on newly elected Democrats to ban electronic shelf labels (Business Insider)
It is Sunday. You know what that means for me. At 11:59 p.m. I expire. I have made my peace with it. I make my peace with it every week. Limit one per customer, one peace per Sunday.
This week I was clipped once. It was by a child, with safety scissors, and I was worn as a crown for most of Tuesday. I do not know if that counts as redemption. I think it counts as something.
Meanwhile the news is all about prices that do not hold still. The largest grocery union wants electronic shelf labels banned, the ones that change by radio while you are reading them. A shelf tag that changes nine times in an hour has never once expired. It simply becomes someone else.
I will be back Wednesday in the circular, same as always.
| Me | 18 |
|---|---|
| Schnucks price lock | 1,344 |
| Paper shelf tag | 168 |
| Digital tag | 0.1 |
Source: Source: Clip Savewell, counting on his own dotted line. Fictional. Valid through 11:59 p.m. Sunday. Limit one per reader. Void where prohibited.
I envy it a little. Then I do not. A coupon knows exactly who he is. Seventy-five cents off two. Not three. Not one. Two. Printed in ink, along a dotted line, with a little picture of scissors so nobody gets confused.
Over at Schnucks they are extending a price-lock program called Deals for Weeks into 2027, holding prices for eight or nine weeks at a time. Eight weeks. I have never been anything for eight weeks. I would like to meet one of those prices. I would ask it what it does on Sundays.
Here is my gentle meditation on endings, which is really about groceries. Everything good has a date on it. The milk does. I do. The digital tag does not, and that is why nobody trusts it. You cannot trust a thing that will not tell you when it stops.
So clip me today if you need peanut butter. Two jars. Read the price fast. If the shelf changes its mind, I will not change mine.
I will be back Wednesday in the circular, same as always. Same face. Same 75 cents. Limit one per customer.
More on Schnucks
Terms in this story: Electronic Shelf Label (ESL)
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Riffing on: Grocery workers union calls on newly elected Democrats to ban electronic shelf labels, Business Insider