CPG Satire
Boxed Mac And Cheese Denies Preserving Anything
A class action says Target's store-brand mac and cheese contains acids that help preserve food. The box maintains it has kept nothing.
Based on real news: Class-action suit claims Target misled shoppers with preservative-free labels on boxed mac and cheese (Capital Digest)
NEW YORK—A 7.25-ounce box of store-brand macaroni and cheese, named in a federal class action over its "no preservatives" label, said Monday through a fictional spokesperson that it has never preserved anything in its life and that the allegations have frankly made it feel stale.
"My client is pasta and a powder," said Norbert Quillfeather, a fictional attorney retained by the box. "He sits on a shelf for 14 months. That is not preservation. That is patience."
A shopper filed the suit Oct. 22 in New York federal court over eight Good & Gather and Market Pantry varieties, Capital Digest reported, citing The Independent. The complaint argues that citric acid, lactic acid powder and sodium phosphate can help preserve food, undercutting the front-of-box claim. The report noted the FDA classifies citric and lactic acid as ingredients that can regulate acidity and help preserve food, but not necessarily as artificial preservatives.
said Norbert Quillfeather, a fictional attorney retained by the box.
Celeste Abernathy bought one box at 7:40 a.m. Monday and read its ingredient list aloud to the Judge, in order, at her kitchen counter. Enriched macaroni product. Cheese sauce mix. Whey. Citric acid. She paused there for 4 seconds. Lactic acid. Sodium phosphate. The Judge said nothing; it is a scale. (I weighed it: 205.6 grams, against 205.5 grams stated. One-tenth of a gram, unexplained.)
"The citric acid is regulating acidity," Quillfeather said. "If it happens to also keep the cheese powder from becoming a different powder, that is a side project."
Food scientists reached for this story said the distinction is real and the box knows it. "Everything on a shelf is preserved by something," said Dr. Imelda Ostrander-Fahy, a fictional food scientist. "Sometimes it is acid. Sometimes it is the cardboard. Sometimes it is that nobody has bought it yet."
The box said it would fight the case, and asked that its best-by date not be entered into evidence.
More on Target
The Daily SKU is satire. Headlines and stories riff on real e-commerce, CPG and retail news, but the people, quotes, studies, surveys and most numbers are invented. No real person’s words are made up here. Each article ends with a factual “The Real Story” box and a “Riffing on” line linking the genuine reporting. Not investment advice. Not any kind of advice. About us.
As an Amazon Associate, The Daily SKU earns from qualifying purchases.
Riffing on: Class-action suit claims Target misled shoppers with preservative-free labels on boxed mac and cheese, Capital Digest