Marketplaces Satire
Man Who Bought Extended Warranty Finally Gets To Use It, Dies Happy
Extended warranties remain one of retail's most profitable add-ons, The Quota reports. One fictional toaster owner filed a claim and found peace.
Based on real news: The Billion-Dollar Business of Extended Warranties (The Quota)

DAYTON, Ohio—Harold Tibbens, a fictional 81-year-old retired bus mechanic, died peacefully at home Saturday, three days after successfully filing a claim on the four-year extended warranty he bought in June 2023 for a $34 toaster, his family said. He was, according to a statement, "finally at rest, and fully covered."
"He paid $11.99 for that plan, and every day he hoped," said his daughter, Carol Tibbens-Moore, who is also fictional. "He would make toast and look at it and say, 'Not today.' He waited 41 months. Then on Wednesday it made a sound like a small engine and stopped. He came into the kitchen with the paperwork already in his hand. He had kept it in a sleeve."
The real business is less sentimental. The Quota reported Saturday that extended warranties remain one of retail's most enduring and profitable add-ons, noting that Best Buy has disclosed it earns commissions on some plans sold for outside underwriters and that Consumer Reports has generally advised shoppers against buying them. The seller, the publication observed, gets paid whether the product breaks or not.
He paid $11.99 for that plan, and every day he hoped…

Tibbens filed his claim by phone at 9:04 a.m. Wednesday and stayed on hold for 47 minutes, which his daughter described as "the best 47 minutes of his year." He read his plan number aloud twice. The claim was approved at 9:58 a.m. A replacement toaster arrived Friday. It was the same model. It also came with an offer for a new extended warranty, which he bought.
Dashiell Okafor, who has never bought an extended warranty and does not plan to start, said he found the story moving. "A man filed a claim and got a yes," he said. Okafor's Appeal No. 45, filed Nov. 7, has been read but not answered. (seller forum, 4:02 a.m.: "Has anyone ever been approved for anything.") He did not reply to the thread, which is a form of hope.
Tibbens' family said the service will be held Thursday. In lieu of flowers, they ask that mourners keep their receipts.
The new toaster is covered through 2030. His daughter said she will use it, carefully, and wait.
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Riffing on: The Billion-Dollar Business of Extended Warranties, The Quota