Supply Chain Satire
Price Of Eggs Now Tracked By Federal Reserve
Wholesale egg prices rose again last week, USDA said. A fictional central bank committee has begun meeting about a dozen of them.
Based on real news: Egg Markets Overview (USDA Agricultural Marketing Service)

WASHINGTON—The price of a dozen eggs, long watched by shoppers, politicians and anyone who has stood in front of the dairy case doing math, is now formally tracked by the Federal Open Carton Committee, a fictional 12-member panel that meets eight times a year at a central bank building and once more on Easter Sunday.
"Eggs are no longer a grocery item," said Dr. Lorraine Vasquez-Albee, the committee's fictional chair, in a statement read in front of a single carton. "They are a sentiment. We have decided to watch them closely, and to say so in long paragraphs."
The real numbers are calmer than the sentiment. USDA's Agricultural Marketing Service said last week that wholesale prices for large white eggs delivered to Midwest warehouses rose 16 cents to 70 cents a dozen, on moderate to good retail interest. The Bureau of Labor Statistics put the average retail price of a dozen grade A large eggs at $2.27 in September, down from $3.49 a year earlier.
said Dr. Lorraine Vasquez-Albee, the committee's fictional chair, in a statement read in front of a single carton.
- Retail price, BLS
- Committee concern, 0 to 3
| Period | Retail price, BLS | Committee concern, 0 to 3 |
|---|---|---|
| Jan | 2.6 | 1.2 |
| Mar | 2.4 | 1.4 |
| May | 2.2 | 1.5 |
| Jul | 2.2 | 1.9 |
| Sep | 2.3 | 2.4 |
| Nov | 2.3 | 2.9 |
Source: Source: BLS average price data through September; November repeats September. Concern line is fictional, measured by the Federal Open Carton Committee in raised eyebrows.
The committee's first statement ran 1,400 words and contained the phrase "the yolk is well anchored" twice. It said the committee "remains attentive to the risk of omelet-driven demand" heading into the holiday baking season and would "act as appropriate" if a carton crossed $3. It declined to say what acting would look like. A footnote said "eggs" includes cage-free.
Gus Ternberg checked Container DSKU 401177-3 at 5:31 a.m. Monday, one minute earlier than Sunday. Day 945. In transit. He then asked the committee whether it tracks containers. It does not. It tracks eggs. A dozen moves by truck, warehouse to store door, in about two days. He wrote that down without comment.
Markets reacted. A fictional futures trader in Chicago said he had sold his position in breakfast. A grocery chain in Ohio moved its eggs closer to the front of the store, where the committee could see them.
Minutes from the meeting, released Monday, show one dissent. A member argued the committee should also track butter. He was asked to wait until December, when butter has its own meeting.
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Riffing on: Egg Markets Overview, USDA Agricultural Marketing Service