Opinion Satire
Nobody Asks A Cart To Prove It
Wendell Wheelwright, a shopping cart, on loyalty programs that want proof, from someone who has returned to the same corral every night for 11 years.
Based on real news: Sunoco and Velocity Logic Group Announce Enterprise Loyalty Partnership (EIN Presswire)
Friends, I am a shopping cart, and I have something to say about loyalty.
I have worked at the same supermarket in Tulsa for 11 years. Every night somebody brings me back to the corral, or I roll there myself on the slope by the cart return, which takes a while with my front-left wheel. I have never once looked at another store's corral. I would not know how. I am chained to my family by a coin lock.
This week I read about a grocer that wants its members to prove their loyalty in writing. Three hundred words, two references and a notarized form, for four cents off gas. I thought about what I would write. "It is close" would not be enough, apparently. Neither would "I have no choice," though in my case that is just the facts.
would not be enough, apparently. Neither would
| 2023 | 341 |
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| 2024 | 352 |
| 2025 | 349 |
| 2026 so far | 296 |
Source: Source: Wendell Wheelwright, counted on his own wire. Fictional. Caster DSKU-CSTR-000004 now reads Delayed, New Estimate Pending.
Here is what I would say. Loyalty is not a statement. It is a habit. It is showing up in the rain with water pooled in your child seat. It is letting a toddler steer. It is holding a 40-pound bag of dog food without complaint, though the bottom rack does complain a little, quietly, as a rack will.
And speaking of loyalty, the caster. Order DSKU-CSTR-000004. Last week it went from In Transit to Delayed. This week it says Delayed, New Estimate Pending. My cousin in Garden Center says an estimate is a kind of promise. I have decided to stay loyal to it.
Nobody has ever asked a cart to prove it. They just trust that we will be there in the morning, nested, a little cold, ready. That is the kind of program I belong to. There are no points. The reward is the corral.
So when you are done shopping, please return me there. It is the only place that has never asked me for a reference.
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Riffing on: Sunoco and Velocity Logic Group Announce Enterprise Loyalty Partnership, EIN Presswire